Thursday, September 5, 2013

Consumerism Thursday: The Incredible Shrinking Woman Drowns in Brisket

I ordered three briskets from FreshDirect. In my defense, they were on sale, one is for a party in October, I had free delivery and my mother was planning on buying one of them from me. I threw in some ground pork and veal to make bolognese sauce, checked out, and scheduled delivery for this morning.

The meat never showed up.

I called FreshDirect in frustration, and they informed me that my meat had been left with the doorman, which their drivers are not supposed to do. What? I headed downstairs, and sure enough, my meat had been hanging out downstairs for an hour and a half. I hustled it upstairs, threw it all into the freezer, and called FreshDirect to give them a piece of my mind.

They're replacing all my meat, and delivering it tomorrow as an apology. So now I have SIX briskets, and enough ground meat to make bolognese for half of Italy. It's a good thing I'm a huge brisket fan, and score one for FreshDirect's customer service.

I weigh 20 pounds less than last year. Hooray!

Unfortunately, now that I'm interviewing, I've realized all my "nice" clothes are too big for me. I've gone from barely fitting a size 10 to and 8. All my skirts can be salvaged by a visit to the tailor to take in their waistbands, but my one button-down blouse is vaguely tent-like on me.

So the other day I had a job interview, and I felt so fat, frumpy, and lumpy-bumpy that I ran into a nearby Banana Republic and bought a new button-down in the correct size, paid full retail, and swapped shirts in the changing room.

That's possibly the silliest impulse purchase ever, but it was worth every sent. I felt fantastic, and the interview seemed to go well. I'll hear more after Rosh Hashanah.


  1. I have your solution. Stick a couple of the briskets in the waistband of your skirts. You can fill out your top with some ground meat in your bra if necessary. Now you don't have any extra meat and you don't need any work done on your skirts.

    I jest, of course. =)

    Fingers crossed for you on the job interview!

    1. Yes, and I will be a *fragrant* candidate indeed at the interviews!

      My replacement meat just order, and there is now no space in the freezer. Best get cooking!

    2. My replacement meat order just ARRIVED. Can't type this morning!